Gays Are Messy – Part 4: Promiscuity

| September 19, 2013 | 0 Comments

Tagging back to yesterday’s post on how some gay men wind up single and desperate at 52 after passing up several good opportunities, I asked the question why some of them chose sex instead of a relationship, even when presented with one. There are so many reasons why ranging from some guys being more sexual than others, some having sex addictions and using sex as a coping mechanism (the way drug addicts or alcoholics use drugs and alcohol to escape their pain), to guys liking the benefit that easy sex offers and some even being hurt by someone they loved and acting out against society.

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The hurt can be real or imagined. You can choose to screw others or screw over your home country.

Today, I’m writing about the third one I mentioned – sex being easy. Promiscuity. This is a post to you and to you. Sex is way too easy to have, if you go look for it. It doesn’t matter how you look, smell, think, or act, if you want it, you can have sex. (And you don’t have to pay.) What’s harder is relationships. Relationships take time. Relationships take effort. Relationships require levels of vulnerability. Who wants to be vulnerable when you can stop letting yourself feel for someone else who will only wind up hurting you? Who wants to be vulnerable when you might reveal something normally hidden from others and be exploited with it later? Why not just stay sheltered and unemotional? You avoid the sometimes violent downswings in emotion and stop thinking that something is wrong with you when, yet again, you started something with someone that didn’t work out. (Often times before anything really got the chance to take off.)

But those people always make sure to leave you with the “You’re a wonderful person and someone will come one day who will treat you right. I’m just not in that place now,”  comments as they start a new relationship with someone else…who isn’t you…isn’t as cute as you…that doesn’t last…and they wonder why.

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Listen…if I had $100 for every time I’ve heard that line…and watched them crash and burn with someone else later (not even making it past 18 months)…I’d have about $500 dollars, but my point is that…

So, you have sex. As I mentioned earlier, sex is easy. Casual sex (also known as hooking up) takes care of two people’s needs (needs? No, it’s wants) and everyone leaves satisfied. (Satisfaction rates may vary because everyone isn’t good at it, but if you have a climax, at least you have that.) You meet up, mess around, then leave with a sense of accomplishment. No one had to be vulnerable. No one had to even really give their real names. No one had to “learn” the other person outside of what hurts and doesn’t hurt within an hour’s (max) block of time.

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Dispute me all you like. Satan makes it seem like it was hours in your memory. In reality, it wasn’t unless crystal meth was involved.

Having sex without an emotional connection mostly feels good, and you feel wanted/needed on some level. Often, when trying to date and give a relationship a go, you don’t feel wanted all the time. You question some things for which there shouldn’t be questions. You think, yet again, that you’re not good enough for this person when they reject you or tell you they don’t want you (anymore). Sure, they’re just not right for you (and vice versa), and a relationship with this person would have been brutal and horrific, but it still doesn’t feel good to go through rejection’s hurt and pain again. You would rather have saved the time spent getting to know them, dating them, carving out time for them if it was only going to lead to you being alone anyway.

Sure, you learn more about yourself and this experience helps cement more of what you want in a sure relationship with someone, but you just get tired of taking the high road. You get tired of always feeling stepped on. You get tired of them always telling you how wonderful you are and how horrible they are. You get tired of seeing them pursue happiness with someone whom they always feel the need to take pictures every day broadcasting their love. You get tired of being low-key excited and hopeful about them only to walk down Lonely Lane again. You find strength later on, but those moments of…failure…suck. You want a way out, so you don’t stay open to love. You consider becoming selfish, because it seems that the selfish ones are always in a relationship with someone who doesn’t know any better and takes the crap for which you wouldn’t stand. Those jerks don’t deserve to be happy, in love, or in a relationship, but the world ain’t fair. You have so much love to give, but it doesn’t seem like anyone wants it.

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What they want, however, is your body. You can give them your body. You can numb yourself to your pain and give yourself over and over again. This is easier. This is immediately gratifying. This makes you miss other opportunities to love yourself and others properly. This makes you numb and closed off to the right opportunities that might pop up.

So, it’s hard, but stay open. Even when your knees have been dragged down to the bone marrow. If nothing else, at least you can make a play out of it and someone might pay you to see it…but complain that they weren’t cast in the best light. Or so I hear. From a friend. (Oh, and if you weren’t cast in the best light, you should have acted better. It’s my life, my story, and you didn’t behave.)

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Thanks for playing along! See you at the premiere!

Don’t close yourselves off. Don’t become the 52 year-old trolling for younger booty because they’re the only ones left who will put up with your juvenile ways because you’ve been stuck at 25 mentally for the last 27 years. Growing up is hard often painful, but choose to grow up. Otherwise you just atrophy and die. And you may not have as much time as you think. Being 52 comes faster than you think. You’re alive. Live. Feel.

Love.

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Category: Gay

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