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Interracial Dating: Instructional Tip

This post comes from a personal place. I can speak on interracial dating and relationships because, well, that’s mostly what I’ve done. I’ve only dated about 5 people in my race. My three longest dating/relationships were with whites. There have been a couple Asians and a couple Latins (the danger zone…for me. That’s a compliment, not slander, but for the two I was seriously into, the willpower just evaporated…but that’s a story for another time that you’ll never read about unless it’s in my memoir long after I’m rich, famous, and well-loved), one Indian, and a few mixed people, but most have been white.

So, I’m reading on Twitter today and come across this from @GinoTheGhost:

Most black women don’t appreciate white men then spend all day on here complaining about black men. Either get familiar or shut the hell up.

Sigh.

Groan.

Headdesk.

Gino is white. This tweet supposes (based on its wording) that the solution to black women’s frustration isn’t to stop dealing with the same guy over and over, it’s to find a white man to make everything better. I asked if that’s what he meant. He said no.

Yeah, black women do complain a lot about black men on Twitter – daily. Black men also slander black women on Twitter –daily.

That post-for-another-day being said, I think what he meant to say was that if black women are so upset with black men all the time (enough to voice frustration in front of strangers on Twitter), why don’t black women consider white men? The “shut the hell up” part also rubs me incorrectly because it’s like he’s saying that black women aren’t allowed to voice their opinions and frustrations. As much as he may tire of reading it, I don’t see any reason that they should stop. It’s a free country.

I’ve said for a long time that if you’re frustrated with trying to find a needle in the haystack-of-same-skin-tone, maybe you could try looking in another haystack. If you know that’s not for you, then keep looking but get better with weeding out the hay with pointy ends from the needle. When you recognize signs of the same thing from before, that’s your cue to leave. If you want to stay, just know that you’re staying after someone’s already revealed who they are. And you don’t like who they are.

Does a white man have a right to tell a black woman to shut up like that just because he’s tired of reading the same old things with regard to black men? I learned that he has a black girlfriend (so I read on Twitter). I also read other feeds of white men in relationships with black women. They seem to be a little loose and familiar with racial topics on their feeds.

I’m okay with interracial relationships that have honest perspectives on race. Let’s discuss the realities and not shy away from them. I get it. I’ve done that with success. However, I would not ever try to speak with authority on white culture as someone who experiences it because, well, I am not a part of that world. In the same vein, whites are not part of the black world in this instance and they should be peaceful ambassadorial observers at best, like I am when I date. What’s important at the end of the day is how we relate, but race plays a big part of this because we’re in America, which hasn’t ever dealt with repercussions from slavery and are dealing with a part of the population that feels they can address the black President of the United States like he’s a shoeshine boy.

Bottom line: Just because you’re in an interracial relationship, that does not give you license to become some sort of authority on what’s best for other races. You can have an opinion, but that’s about it. Don’t try to give advice or instructions. You don’t always know best. But then again, knowing what’s best is something that white people love to doI read it in a book.

SWPL
This is a hilarious book that started as a hilarious blog.
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3 Comments

  • TheGirl, December 27, 2012 @ 4:17 pm Reply

    I love the blog too!! Anyway yeh..nuff said. I already tweeted Mr. Gino, I mean if the tweet rad: date other women. I’m sure Men and women would be riducule him for his “advice”. And as you can tell from my blog, WM are NOT NOT perfect and do NOT solve problem. Still the same danm pointy hay!

    • cresec, December 27, 2012 @ 5:21 pm Reply

      Thanks! Yeah, men of all races have good ones and bad ones. I think if it had read, “There’s a lot of complaining from your end, but have you considered dating other races, like white guys? Not to say they’re better, but you could get a different experience…maybe.”

      • TheGirl, December 28, 2012 @ 3:40 pm Reply

        Yeh….that may have been less controversial, but still implies “let’s leave Black men for other men” I just think BW are tired being victimized in the media. we’re victims of BM, of failed relationships, of single motherhood, of being unmarried….etc. The point is that no man or other person is going to solve your problems for you!

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