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Chris Christie: Shots Fired

If American voters have proven anything since 1913, it’s that they don’t like fat Presidents.

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Former President (and later Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States) William Howard Fatf…I mean Taft. William Howard Taft. This was the last time we had a fat president.

Armed with this knowledge, Chris Christie took it upon himself to lose weight (presumably at the insistence of his family who begged him to lose weight JUST NOW in 2013, THE YEAR BEFORE HE STARTS OPENLY SHOPPING FOR THE OFFICE OF PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AT THE END OF 2014). How? Diet and exercise? No. Christie decided to have lap band surgery.

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He had the surgery this past February and now it’s May. How much weight has he lost and who is paying for the eventual plastic surgery to cut off the loose skin? If I lived in New Jersey I’d be outraged at the thought of my tax dollars going to help the rich and powerful. Christie (and his constituents), however, would not have a problem with this as new laws were created in New Jersey that did exactly that.

In any case, Chris Christie has taken control of his health and is trying to be fit. I mean, I applaud him for doing so, but think it’s a shame that he’s only just heard from his family JUST NOW (again, presumably) that he needed to get his weight under control. So, he’s going to present a picture of health now and an image of someone who takes difficult situations and turns them around. With surgery, which means cutting, which means he’ll probably favor Paul Ryan’s plan and have us looking like Western Europe soon after he signs the bill into law. That’s assuming he makes it into office.

While I’m not here for Chris Christie based on his record in New Jersey alone and complaints about his governing from family members and friends who live in the state (and from a friend who used to work directly for him and called him “nasty, garbage, and the worst excuse of a human being ever created”), I do congratulate him on doing something to avoid the fat jokes as he campaigns for President get his health in order. What about you? Are you happy for Christie or could you not care less? Does this help his image? Why did his family take this long to say anything? He’s been big for…for a long time. Why now?

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