Gays Are Messy – Part 2

If you’re new here at Keene Point of View, please take a moment to scan my earlier blog post on how Gays Are Messy. This will probably be an ongoing series, now that I think about it. Because, like skin cell reproduction, gays and their messiness never stop.

For this entry into the documentation of the reason for society’s downfall, I would like to refer to how some gay people absolutely love attention for all the wrong reasons. I hope this guide will help you navigate some of the gays (primarily men) you’ll see in your life. Come to think of it, I should write an open letter to lesbians, because the stunts and clothing I saw at Pride? Ma’ams? What…what…what is going on?! I could even write a full letter on woefully improper dreadlocks care alone, but that’s for another time.

Exhibit A: Gays who love attention by being loud. (Even those who falsely claim to have slept with Kim Kardashian. Nigra, please…)

“We’re here! We’re queer! We’re loud and proud! And we’re obnoxious, annoying, and incredibly fake.” These are the gays you see in public making a lot of noise, and if they’re young and black – probably dressed in women’s blouses, heels (with full beat makeup and beard in Atlanta), skinny jeans, and an over-sized purse full of lube, very little cash, and a lot of insecurities.

They make a lot of noise wherever they go in packs of 3 to 10, and rudely push other people out of the way to make room for them, walking as if life is a never-ending promenade of catwalks and wind machines for their non-existent weaves. They all want to be like Beyonce, you see. Best advice? Just let them continue with their delusions of grandeur and enjoy their youth. Most of them look back on it with embarrassment and get it together before they turn 25, thankfully, so there is hope. Unless you’re like Hollywood (pictured above) and trying to make a career out of being a jilted ex-lover, there is hope for you.

Exhibit B: Gays who have nice bodies…and not much else going on (so it seems).

Now, um, this one is definitely more for the men. The men who work so hard eating salad and red meat; work out specific areas of the body 6 days a week; do 30 minutes of cardio before they lift; all their hard work and dedication to their bodies shows up thanks to high metabolisms and genetics. Great men who are revered by the gay community. The Adonis. The men who somehow stay looking that fit but drink like fish from Thursday night-Sunday night every weekend. The men who make heterosexual critiques of homosexuals somewhat valid considering that living in this way does seem youth-obsessed and driven by a desire for sex with the most beautiful-bodied men.

Can I tell you how many of these men I’ve encountered who have great bodies, but that’s all they have going for them? They love attention and soak it up. Many of them have a constant need for validation of their appearance because many of them aren’t smart and talking to them about anything of substance winds up with you running away screaming in disbelief. Unless you look exactly like them, you won’t have a chance at a relationship. Some of them don’t want a relationship. They just like the thrill of the chase. You might get sex sometimes because even the most beautiful ones have needs. But more times than with which one should be comfortable, you just can’t make a real connection with someone whose only value in life is his body. Best advice? Just leave them alone if you notice a lot of people fawning around them and even leaving Facebook comments like:

• “OMG! I love this!” – after a post about how a sunrise indicates a new day
• “You are SO right!” – after a post about how they want to sleep in every day
• “So handsome…” – after the 1,548,962nd #selfie posted this week
• “You’re so funny!” – after telling a “joke” (i.e. – “I wish that Wednesday was Winesday”)

Do yourselves a favor and just run away. Don’t get sucked in. Just…just trust me on this, okay? And no, they won’t “hear” you if you tell them the truth about the fact that people are only interested in them because they want sex. They’ll tell you that they offer more than sex, but with them being wet and naked 90% of the time they ‘re not at work, I don’t know how effective they are at getting that message out.

Exhibit C: Just have a look. This is a combination of attention-loving, wants-to-be-Beyonce, and…I am so perplexed that I can’t think of another description.

So, what are your tips for combating gay messiness like you read about here today?

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Tags: Attention, Gay, Gays, Gays Are Messy, Hot Mess, Humor, Messy

Category: Gay