“Why do gay men have so much sex?!” I’ve had to answer this question several times to holier-than-thou straight people about how much gays sleep around like they aren’t hooking up in bars, clubs, and on Craigslist. Sure, there are entire cell phone apps dedicated to nothing more than getting two (or more) men together for some hot, sweaty, often-unsafe sex, but gay men aren’t alone. The main reason is that, unrestrained, men will sleep with any available hole if they’re horny enough. Actually, if pregnancy, social shame, and potential diseases were not byproducts of sex, I think almost everyone would be getting it in as much as they could, even in public. I think that people inherently are hos, mostly, and it doesn’t matter your gender or sexual orientation. Some just practice their hoing more than others.
Granted, for most men, they have to be attracted to the other person in order to do it, which makes it seem like gay men have no standards for attractiveness because you always hear about how promiscuous gay men are, but believe me, most gay men have some standards for attractiveness. It varies by person, and very few actually don’t need to be attracted to the person to have sex with them. There is a lot of superficiality in the gay community and a lot of rejection based on looks alone when it comes to sex, dating, and even considerations for relationships.
Many gay men only pursue with those who are “hot” (while they may not be hot themselves…something I’ll never understand), get into a relationship with them, become “open” two months into it, then wonder what went wrong by month 6, but won’t end the relationship. It winds up slowly dying over the next year and a half before it blows up in a nuclear fashion. That man wakes up at 52 and wonders why he spent his life chasing superficiality when he passed up some solid opportunities with someone who had a 33″ waist instead of a 30″ waist, and worked out 3 times per week instead of 6 times per week. Sadly, as those opportunities with those solid men are now gone because those men either became the mean boys who are jerks to other people (because they got tired of always getting run over as the nice guy), or actually got snapped up by someone who recognized what they had, the 52 year-old man is left with other “missed opportunity” shallow 52 year-old men and that’s like two exact polar ends trying to connect. They repel indefinitely.
Thus, they are left with hard-bodied 22-25 year olds who don’t know enough about the scene to know that you should avoid a pairing like that. The older man wants to shape the younger man into his perfect idea of a boyfriend, but the younger man still has growing to do and comes to resent being molded by a man who isn’t his father, but essentially is acting like one, paying for every bill they have and controlling their lives. It’s like the older man wants a chance to make the new young guy into the ones the older man passed up. Sure, the 52 year-old has (often questionable) stories of having hot sex with a lot of hot guys, but most of them want someone with whom they can grow old, cuddle, wake up to every morning, and complain about getting on their nerves while not having it any other way because something is done every day to make them love each other more and more.
So, if most gay men truly want that kind of arrangement, why do gay men often settle for sleeping around and immediate gratification with an available acceptable-for-now warm body? I’ll cover that tomorrow. It’s not an easy answer.