How To Come Out As a Gay Christian

| November 7, 2013 | 0 Comments

I follow an account (@ThisIsTheRead) on Twitter. The Read is a weekly podcast that has exploded in popularity in a short amount of time (February 2013) and I’m happy for the success of its hilarious hosts Kid Fury (@kidfury), a veteran YouTube personality, and Crissle West (@crissles), a gifted writer.


Parental Advisory: Explicit Content

The Read covers pop culture, news items, and listener letters. The hosts offer advice to their loyal listeners after reading the letters. As always, they have their own humorous spin they put on whatever they deliver (or “read”). I’ve met Crissle and she is gracious and just as funny in person.

On Wednesday, Crissle tweeted that she got a listener letter from a guy who came out to his family and the backlash was so bad that he went back to dating women just to shut them up, and now he hates it. He found a guy he actually likes and is torn up inside over choosing women knowing that he likes men.

Since most backlash against gay people coming out comes from religious (read: Christian) homes and people who are just downright dumb, I’d like to offer some tips for coming out of the closet if you’re a Christian who is gay.

How to Come Out of the Closet if You’re a Gay Christian

1. Admit to someone (to yourself is a good starting point) that you’re gay. Coming out is beneficial for the gay person and no one else. Sure, we tell others, but it’s the biggest part of owning who you are. If you’d like to admit it to God, then go ahead and do so. You can be listening to a sermon in church about how we keep secrets from God that he already knows, but we need to be free in Him because he won’t hold it against us. So, you can say a simple prayer, “God, please forgive me for all of my sins. Thank you for dying for me and saving me. So, look, um, yeah, so, I need to admit this to someone, so why not you, right? The thing is that I like [same-sex]. I mean, more than just ‘like’ them. I mean I really like them. It’s my preference, and if that’s going to change because it’s wrong, you’re going to have to do that because I’ve tried not liking them and it hasn’t worked. And I’m tired of being tired over this.” (This prayer is one you can use. It’s an original.)

  • You may feel a tremendous weight lifted from your shoulders. You may feel your chest open up some. You may start to take baby steps in walking in your truth and living authentically. LET THAT FABULOUS LAVENDER LIGHT FLOW THROUGH YOU, HUNTY!
    Keene Point Of View - What I would say if you are gay

2. Get a human support system. This could be a family member whom you love and trust, a close friend, or a therapist. (I’d highly recommend this route if you can do it just to answer any questions you may have. Do not do ex-gay therapy, if you can help it. If you can’t help it, make sure they focus on YOU and not your “issue,” because YOU probably have other things going on besides this one small thing that only feels big for now.) In spite of folks loving you, there may be backlash. Everyone won’t welcome you with open arms and some will outright reject you. Some will say they’re okay and come back later letting you know that they aren’t.

  • Those people normally love you, though, so maybe time will help them out. After all, how long did it take for you to own your gayness? Give grace. (This step ain’t always easy, by the way.)


2a. If you get thrown out of your house (or beaten up) by the people who created, gave birth to, and raised you, yet they can’t handle how you’ve “changed,” when you’re still the person they raised, shame on your them! I won’t go further than just to say “shame”. (But – all the shade, tho- your parents disgust me.)

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3. The human support system has flaws and is faulty at times, but I’m sure you can find supportive people somewhere. If not (or if those supporters number in the single digits…on one hand…and less than 3 fingers), refer to #1. He will be your biggest supporter through all of this. He will be the one to hold you steady as you navigate through however this turns out for you. Don’t ever lose sight of Him in this because it will get messy at times. It will hurt at times. It will be confusing way too many times. However, you’ll grow, you’ll become more secure, and miracle-of-miracles, your walk with God will be the most authentic thing you’ve ever experienced, NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS TELL YOU ABOUT HOW YOU’RE LIVING IN GOD.


4. Related to #3: You owe no one any explanation for your life but God and you. I’m honestly tired of hearing about gay depression and suicides because people aren’t happy with what others think about them. I know that others opinions of you have weight (it’s heavier the younger you are, sadly), but I really want y’all to get to a place where it doesn’t matter. Trust me, the other people who have an opinion of your life have bent themselves out of shape so much that they can’t even tell who they are anymore, and they want to share their miserable condition with you. I want you to grow up straight like a tree, not a gnarled bush. You matter. You take up space. You’re just as important as anyone else.

And you are gay.


5. About this time you’ll start to notice that you have enough going on in your own life to understand to even be bothered with what others think. You’ll start to feel free. You’ll adopt an attitude of “It is what it is. If you don’t like it, I really don’t care. I have to live my life for me. I’m only answering for myself at the end of my life and God will not ask me how well I lived for my mama, my daddy, my nosy aunt, or society at-large.”

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To that young man in that letter, I’d say be single. Figure stuff out. Seek God. Refuse to discuss it anymore with your family for now when it’s clear that they can’t have a civilized conversation about it. Tell them to get back to minding their own business. I know that you have people who love you and that you love, but they’re just going to have to get over it because it’s not changing, no matter how hard you try. I really don’t want to see you marry someone just to make someone happy, have a family, and then say, “I can’t take it anymore!” 20-25 years later and wreck your family. Be true to yourself above all else. I congratulate you for at least coming out, though. That’s big.

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True freedom and liberty comes from releasing yourself from others expectations and opinions. Ever since I started doing that, it perplexes folks to the point of frustration. Meanwhile, I’m calm, collected, and breathing easier all while my edges flourish and prosper.

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No, really. I ain’t got no worries.

What advice would you offer this young man?

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Category: Christianity, Gay

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