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Is the NFL Ready for GAY Michael Sam?

Michael Sam, a college football player with strong NFL prospects, recently came out as a gay man. Aside from all the snide comments about how this doesn’t matter, I’ll let you know why it matters.

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1. He’s 6’3″ and 260 lbs. He is a muscled mansion who can actually move well enough to dance in a club on stage shirtless and gyrate a lot on beat. You don’t see that often outside of maybe the bear community (the only other option is the ‘roid head community) in gay world, which is dominated by white men, so he’s already breaking barriers before he gets started. We shall overcome! #MLKJr

2. The fact that #1 challenges your perception of gay men and masculinity.

3. He’s black. Black folks think that being gay is something learned from white people because that’s clearly where Countee Cullen, James Baldwin, and Langston Hughes picked it up during segregation. Black folks also don’t take too well to gay people, immediately jumping to the idea of a gay person having sex before thinking of them as a person who might not be having sex. Yes, Nigras do that a lot more than other races.

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Now that we’re done with that, let’s get into whether or not the NFL is ready for an openly gay active player.

  • They get naked in locker rooms! What about the straight men there who get uncomfortable around guys who might be lusting over them? 
    • OMG! GREAT QUESTIONS! Except not. What about the closeted gay players now who might be lusting over their teammates? Furthermore, how much talking and socializing are you doing in a locker room when you’re supposed to just shower and get out of there and talk while you’re getting dressed? Who is turning locker rooms into the hot new social place? That person needs to stop doing that because that’s a bit creepy.
    • If you honestly think that a gay player in a locker room in football is something new, you aren’t thinking through this enough.
    • Also, if you think every gay man is lusting over you and you look nothing like Bradley Cooper, Channing Tatum, Idris Elba, Zac Efron, Joe Manganiello, Daniel Dae Kim, Mario Lopez, Alexander Skarsgard, Ben Cohen, Boris Kodjoe, or Paul Walker (RIP), I need you to have all the seats in Christendom. You’re not in any danger. Trust me on this one, ugly.
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Gay men probably imagine waking up next to this more than waking up next to you. You’re probably not as good-looking, muscular, tall, or successful as Joe Manganiello, so stop worrying about gay men lusting after you. Joe should run and hide, tho.
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If you’re a fan of this team and worried about having a gay player, you have bigger problems being a fan of a team that hasn’t been great in over 20 years.

Are the NFL and their reporters making this a bigger deal than it should be? Should anything really change? I hope that Michael Sam didn’t ruin his NFL chances and that he makes a good player.

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2 Comments

  • AWordorThree, February 11, 2014 @ 1:39 pm Reply

    “Trust me on this one, ugly.”

    SMH

    • jamin, February 15, 2014 @ 10:09 pm Reply

      I mean…

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