Can Christians Be Sex-Positive?
If you’re not familiar with the movement, “the sex-positive movement is a social movement which promotes and embraces open sexuality with few limits beyond an emphasis on safe sex and the importance of informed consent” (from Wikipedia).
So, theologically, no, Christians cannot be sex-positive as Wikipedia defines the movement because Christians should practice closed sexuality that would hopefully negate the need for safer sex, but we can support informed consent (rape still happens even in marriage) and can support safer sex for those who aren’t married.
End of post? Not quite.
I have a problem with we Christians, in general, who promote these lives of sexual abstinence but don’t practice it in our private lives or act like sex is a taboo topic to discuss even behind their own closed doors. I’m getting into black-ish on ABC and last night’s episode was even better than the pilot. It’s a show about a black family living a not-quite-so-traditionally-black American life. Watch it. Really. Watch it.
Last night’s episode dealt with how the parents communicated with their children on the topics of sex (for the teenage son) and whatever problem the daughter had. Hilarity ensued but also some good lessons were learned for the characters. I liked how open the father and son’s dialogue was, even when the son made the father uncomfortable by being way too open with what he enjoyed about the idea of sex and his masturbatory thoughts and habits. (“You know who gets me ‘there’? Helen Mirren. Is that weird? I don’t even care.” iHollered.)
This is somewhat the relationship I had with my parents growing up. They would talk about sex openly to a point. Basically, I got the basics covered and never asked them things about positions, oral sex, anal, eating butt, http://gawker.com/the-booty-eating-renaissance-1633706123 making out, kinks, or other things and maybe I should have. I am not talking about it with them now, however. (They still make jokes about it to this day and I’m all, “You had sex one time and that was to have me. I’m firmly comfortable believing that you haven’t knocked boots since.”) For discussions on those other things – well, that’s what good friends (who are a lil’ bit freaky) are for. I like open discussions about sex that aren’t for shock value but an honest moment or two about sharing, discovery, and learning, and I thank God I have friends (and family) like that.
I don’t see Christians doing this normally, though. Sure, we’ll fornicate but tell others not to; we’ll get pregnant at 14; we’ll do whatever else we can to have sex privately but live a holy lie publicly. What we don’t do is show the world that we can be sexual too in a marriage. We look at that as a private matter, which it is to some degree, but I’d rather people in happy, healthy, nurturing relationships guide the discussion on sex over people who just do it as another form of masturbation and only want to get off and care nothing about the other person (or arguably themselves) – been there, done that; bought T-shirts and hats. I’d rather know the maximum benefits that you can get from sex over just something that you do to prove your adulthood.
According to statistics, married people have the most fulfilling sexual lives of anyone. I’d like to hear more about how happy they are. They don’t have to get specific, but more public displays of affection (PDA), blog posts about a fulfilled sexual life and the freedom that comes with having a partner who understands you, gets you, and with whom you can be totally safe and unbridled would be wonderful. If God designed sex for enjoyment and procreation, Christians need to change the stance from attacking sex and fearing it to embracing it like God wanted.
As my favorite song from Avenue Q says: “You can be as loud as the hell you want when you’re making love.” Christians and married people, we need to hear more noises, kisses, thrusts, smacks, moans, yells, and screams.